Today I am feeling so sad and so disappointed. And, yes, mad. I feel a lot like I did the first time Trump won as president and I realized just how many Americans were still so truly racist.

Today, as I see what happened yesterday in the State House in Tennessee, 9 years after the pain of Trump’s first win, I feel my heart sinking all over again.

In case you don’t know, the Republican majority of legislators in Tennessee voted yesterday to gerrymander voting districts in Memphis and split them up in a way that what was the ONLY Democratic (mostly black) district is no more. They divided the area and stretched it miles in to rural areas. They did not even pretend, or hide, their reason for doing it. They wanted a Republican ‘super state’ and by changing the districts they took away Democratic power. It was a predominantly black area. Memphis had a black representative.

If you happened to catch any of the media coverage from what happened you will see that white old men were the Republicans who voted yesterday to gerrymander the voting districts. One of them even draped himself in a Trump flag. Many of them had to be escorted out of the state house by state troopers, a reminder of days long ago.

Protestors were outside. They had a right to be. If I had lived there I would have been right there with them.

Gerrymandering needs to be outlawed. It is unfair, especially to minorities. Changing district lines to serve a political party is disgusting. It is a game played, a tit for tat, that has gotten way out of control.

Unfortunately, we have a president in office with no ethics, or moral well being. He believes to win at all costs! He likes to hurt his opponents. He approved the redistricting (gerrymandering) during an election cycle, which before is never done. Redrawing maps is supposed to be a once in every 10 years decision, yet it has been done anyway, without any penalty.

My state, South Carolina, is about the have the same thing happen. South Carolina is also run by a Republican majority. They plan to follow Tennessee and do some gerrymandering of districts. I am a Democrat in a Republican county and district so the lines here will not be changed. But, some places in Columbia and Charleston will be targets. These are urban areas with progressive voters, and the legislators will work to redistrict them and make their votes lost.

It is a disgusting tactic.

What can we do? The most important thing is vote out every single legislator who supports gerrymandering. Vote for men and women who will outlaw this unfair way to change voting areas, which change the numbers that are so important to the Electoral College. In the meantime, speak up. I admit I feel sad that my representatives are Republican and will not listen to me. Lord, knows I have tried. And, I have both Sen. Graham and Sen. Scott in my state, so I can forget trying to get through to them. Both have extreme loyalty to Trump. It seems hopeless.

It is frustrating to say the least. It’s another part of democracy getting chipped away in our country. Tennessee and South Carolina are both examples of the backwards, good ole boy, control still very potent in our country. They want control over minorities. They want to have the power. Gerrymandering is wrong. It is racial. It is against our system of free elections in our society.

I admit that as a white woman I am embarrassed by those of my same skin color, of my same European lineage, who feel they need to hold such power over others. To throw their weight around. I hurt for those who have struggled so long, through Jim Crow, the Civil Rights movement, the trudging on over so much time, just having to ‘prove’ they deserve to vote. And, now, to have gerrymandering come around and make it a step backwards again….

I am sorry for them – and for this country.

As I listened today about the life of Ted Turner, I could not help thinking back on those early days of CNN. I remember them. I had just graduated from college and I was at my very first job, in a Baltimore radio station newsroom. WBAL Radio. That newsroom still had ticker-tape style, very loud, UPI and AP machines that spewed out typed new stories that came in from around the country and around the world. Bells would ring from the machines as stories came in. The more bells that rang at once then the bigger, more important the story. It was ‘rip and read’ back then. We would rip off the ticker paper and run into the studio and read it over the airwaves.

Oh yes, we made morning phone calls to the police stations to find out what happened in the city over night. We ran ‘audio tape machines’ to get sound bites to play with the stories. Nothing was digital yet. We used reel to reel. There was no internet.

So, when Ted Turner had the idea of a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, television news station to bring us info all the time, instantaneously, it was considered really gutsy, and also foolish. I mean: How could people talk about news all.the.time?!! And, how can this one station be its own network and be available in all 50 states? No local news? It was truly groundbreaking. It went up against the traditional network news half hour programs that ran on the ‘big three’ (ABC, CBS, and NBC) at 6:30pm and 11:00pm. CNN hired lots of people to work around the clock in its home base in Atlanta, and then in satellite offices and studios around the country. Later around the world.

It was a big gamble.

Today as we remember Mr. Turner on his passing, we remember a man who took huge risks, who was a visionary, and who changed the way the news was distributed to everyone around the world. Today CNN is available in almost every country, in most homes, and hotels, in businesses small and large. Really everywhere! And, for many years it was the only 24/7 news network that was out there.

Ted Turner created CNN to report the news. It was to be unbiased. Straight news. The truth. It went on the air at a time way before people started talking about ‘fake news,’ alternative facts, and tilting the news for a hidden agenda. I can’t help but wonder how Mr. Turner felt watching the other networks come on air, competing with CNN. As he watched in his old age, he might not have expected there would be so many more news networks and pseudo-news channels showing up and seeing the on-air people became personalities and entertainers.

As a person who got a Mass Communications degree back in 1979, and then worked my first newsroom experience at the same time CNN went on air, I remember the excitement of those times. I was young. I was there when 3 Mile Island happened. I was there when Pres. Reagan got shot. I was a staff ‘news writer’ which meant I would take the facts and write it in a clear and understandable way. Concise. Readable. Factual. Always using sources. In radio I would rewrite a story every few hours to keep it fresh, to add facts as they came in, but never did I edit it to promote a side, or to prove a point. That thought never crossed my mind. In fact, I think the newsroom director would have called me out if I tried to do that.

Since Ted Turner created CNN back in 1979 so much has changed in the news business. It’s quite mind boggling. Unfortunately, now real journalists get belittled. They face legal action. The profession has been watered down by so many networks and companies that pretend to be in the news business, but they really pick and choose news and slant it for the viewer. There are so many out there now, in many different media genres, that the competition has made some of them really lose their sense of ethics and honest reporting.

I can say that I have always been a CNN viewer, throughout all the years. I have seen them get into airing the nighttime opinion and interview shows, and they now allow too many guests to lie without pushing back on them. “Equal time” has become an opportunity to spread fake news. At times it has truly been disappointing.

But, I still rely on CNN for finding out what is going on when something big happens in our country or around our world. In a crisis moment, I still turn on CNN.

Thank you Ted Turner.

The term is pretty commonplace these days: Conspiracy theories.

For me, the first time I ever remember hearing the term ‘conspiracy theories’ was back when Trump was saying then Senator Obama was not born in America and therefore could not run for the office of the presidency. I found it laughable back then. So obviously unbelievable. Then there was a theory when Trump was running for president against Hillary Clinton. “Pizzagate” happened, and it was about children being sold in the basement of a pizza parlor. And, there were more fake stories to come: about emails, and laptops. Conspiracy theories popped up all the time once Trump took office about fake voters, and illegal voting machines, and Haitians eating the cats and dogs in Colorado and Ohio. The biggest, of course, was what led to the Insurrection on Jan. 6th. These theories were posted on “Truth Social” and those who followed the site believed them wholeheartedly. It became an easy way to lie, and to just make up something…. Until it could be disproved. And, disproving takes time. The news moved on.

So, last night while I was watching the White House Correspondents Annual dinner and all hell broke loose in the ballroom in the Washington Hilton, my mind went right to it being fake. A set up. A conspiracy theory. I watched as the president, First Lady, the VP, dignitaries, top people in government, and others were quickly whisked out of the room and men in tactical gear jumped up on the stage. Within seconds there were military style men pointing rifles and Secret Service men were running everywhere.

It took time to figure out that a person with a gun had jumped through the security area, one floor above the event. He was quickly taken down but there were gunshots. One Secret Service man got hit and thankfully he was ok, for he had on a protective vest. It was over in seconds. But the event had to be cancelled.

This morning, we do not know yet how many gunshots ran out, and from what guns they came from. We don’t know if the security detail had momentarily let down their guard since most everyone was in the ballroom. We don’t know a lot yet. Were others in on it? Should all attendees have quickly left? Let’s hope there is a full investigation into the man that was tackled. We NEED a full investigation on all the actions that led to what happened.

But, I must admit, I have my doubts. Will we learn more? Will this frightening night just become another in a long list of dramatic events?

Was this really all a set up?

We know Trump has had a chip on his shoulder about the annual correspondents event. He was made fun of there. He has been very very vocal and mean spirited about the US press, especially this past year, and he feels they mistreat him. His ego can’t take it. Trump is a narcissist and cannot handle being found wrong. He love to blame others, never himself.

There was talk leading up to the night that Trump was going to attend last night’s dinner, give his message (whatever it was to be) and then leave. He was not going to stay for the awarding of student scholarships In journalism, and for the Kaitlin Collin’s award for her work covering the White House. He had belittled her a few times, and he did not want to see her win something. (Only Trump likes to win!)

So…. Yes, I am now at a place where my mind goes to this being a made up situation. My first thoughts are this is not real. A distraction. A farce.

To top it off, Trump quickly put together a press conference once he was back in the White House. During his remarks he said that the Hilton Hotel was not secure enough and HIS grand ballroom plans would be a way to feel more protected. Of course, this was NOT his event. It was a celebration of journalists, put on by the correspondents association. Trump was an invited guest. All of the government leaders there were invited guests. Most were only there to enjoy the dinner, to watch, and to give a nod to the career media workers. This was NOT a Trump event. In fact, he had not attended it for years.

So, I sit here – and I wonder: Am I becoming cynical? Or, am I being fooled? Or does Trump think he fooled the press? Will this turn into one more crazy thing that has happened during the Trump presidency? (By the way, who was the soldier who was rescued in Iraq and how is he doing? And what about the shooter from the rally in Butler, PA?)

Are we being duped? Or, are we sadly watching an uptick of violence due to this president? Or is he like the boy crying wolf? After a while we don’t really think a wolf is to be found anywhere. It’s just a shout to keep us wondering. It’s just another conspiracy theory.

I had an epiphany of sorts and it comes after reading a few comments on a post of mine yesterday. Bear with me….

The post was about my constant concern about the gun freedoms that cause so much gun violence in the United States. I shared the post because it was the sad anniversary of the Columbine High School mass shooting in Colorado yesterday. One commenter wrote about not having God in schools anymore, and how that was a part of the problem with our children and youth. He said he grew up reciting a Psalm along with the Pledge of Allegiance in school each morning. Another commenter wrote that we had ‘kicked’ God out of public school.

It got me thinking. I went to public school most of my growing up. I never read Psalms or any other Bible verses at anytime during the school day. I was schooled in midwestern Ohio, and not in the south. I went to Sunday School and church, and Wednesday Catechism classes, and that’s where I learned about God, and the Bible. As an adult I have participated in years of Bible Study classes. And, now after living in the south for many years, I know that some things are different. An example: Before living here I do not ever recall hearing at any public school events, especially games, a prayer over the loud speaker. But, it is a normal practice in the south.

As the comments on my post went on, and I responded, I noticed that we obviously saw the founding of our country differently too. One commenter said we were founded as a judeo-Christian country. That was the intent. Therefore the 10 Commandments, Bible verses, etc. were fine in public schools.

I responded, because I have always believed, that our country was founded by men of European descent, yes, but our ‘freedom of religion’ was written into the Constitution because it was important to them for the new nation to allow citizens their personal right to worship as they pleased. The founders did NOT write into the Constitution a “State Religion” like England had, and like many other countries had also done. In fact, having NO state religion was a big deal to the founders because they had left England for they did not agree with it.

So, yes, many of the pilgrims and those early voyagers who crossed the Atlantic to settle were indeed Christians. They may have been first to land here but they were not ‘more entitled’ and not ‘better’ in any way, especially when it came to the God they believed in, or how they worshiped. The founding fathers made a point to say that. ALL PEOPLE ARE EQUAL AND FREE TO WORSHIP in America!!

In time people from many lands immigrated here, and made us the ‘melting pot’ that I did learn about in school. I remember distinctly a history class with that very definition in it. A melting pot. A country where everyone was welcomed because we had a Constitution that opened the doors for freedoms (with responsibility) to vote, to buy property, to start businesses, to learn, to own guns, and to worship. Run by the people – for the people. ALL THE PEOPLE.

That is why now in America we have churches, temples, synagogues, traditional, modern, big, little, Christian, Jewish, non-denominational, Muslim, Christian Scientists, and on and on.

Here is my epiphany: There is a group of Christians in our country who think they have the right to decide for people of other religions, and those unchurched. This group thinks the U.S. is ‘their’ country more than it is other religions. They think God wants them to run this country. They think America was founded to be the “Christian land” like Israel is for the Jews. These descendants (because they are not new to living here) want to use power to rule, and they truly believe they are on a “God mission.” Hello MAGA.

So, if you get my thinking, this group has been taught, and believed for a long time, that God is only for Christians. Listen, I am proudly a Christian, and as the word itself says, I believe in Jesus Christ as the son of God. I believe that Jesus has shown us into who God is more than any person who ever walked this earth. Prophets have written much too. I believe in true divineness, along with our human limits of understanding. I believe in love for all, and God’s grace, and the goal for everyone to live in peace.

But I also believe that God decides. I believe that maybe God watches us too, to see how we interact, and that nothing is written in stone. God is here, now. I believe children who live in areas void of any chance to learn religion are still seen by God. Still loved by God. I believe that no country is a boundary for God.

It is why I dislike the US flag in a church sanctuary. It is why I cringe sometimes when I hear someone say “God bless America” – because God is not about which country is better than another. It is why I have had trouble going into church buildings since MAGA has taken control politically and nosed into religion.

So, my epiphany may be something you already knew. But, it is helping me ‘understand’ the situation we are in now with the rise of the Evangelical Conservatives, and their desire to control. It is their belief that they are better perhaps. They think they better. They feel the US is their ‘playing field’ and they need to win. Thoughts?

Keith Urban has a song called “Making Memories of Us” and the title is appropriate for this past week since I have just experienced a memorable week aboard the Celebrity “Reflection.” Keith Urban was the headliner on the Top Shelf Country Cruise. I am a fan of his, and I was a total fan of all that happened all week on the cruise ship!🛳️

I had signed up for the Country Music cruise as soon as I heard about it on the Bobby Bones Show months ago. So, for a long time I had been anticipating, waiting for the week long cruise, out of Florida, with artists (besides Urban) Scotty McCreery, Lee Brice, Parmalee, LeAnn Rhimes, Cassie Ashton, and more. 🤠 ❤️ The whole Bobby Bones Studio morning show people were going to be there too: Amy, Eddie, Lunchbox, Raymondo, Morgan, and Scuba Steve. Crook & Chase were also there and they led some interviews.

I booked a room for two people, and then when hubby didn’t seem too interested in going (what is wrong with him?!?), I invited my bestie Sue, who was my cruise partner way back in the early 80’s. She and I went on a couple of cruises together before our marriages, kids, etc. So, it was a reunion of sorts for us! She said yes – let’s do it! 👍

But…

The truth: Before the cruise Sue was not really a country music listener. 👎 She knew of some ‘old school’ names but not many artist names from today’s country music. But, god bless her, she was happy to accompany me anyway, and to experience it all ‘through my eyes.’ 💖 And, perhaps she even got a little bit of appreciation for the genre during the week on board the ship. I think so. I hope so.

Why was she not big into country music before now? Well, before, but especially now, during these divided times, country music is often put into one category. Those who don’t listen to it, sometimes rightfully think it’s just a bunch of hillbilly music, and “white music” with a lack of tolerance, with gun toting, beer drinking rednecks, loudmouths, and people who don’t speak for the rest of the country. It’s a ‘southern thing.’ I get it. There are some country artists that sing those types of songs – and there are listeners who find them appealing. But, and it is a big but, many country artists are truly all about acceptance, and inclusion, and believing in women’s rights, and are against what is happening in our country right now. They are like me. They think like me. If you give yourself the chance and listen you will find that country music writers use lyrics for all kinds of topics. ☮️ ❤️

I’m not gonna lie that I worried a little bit about Lee Brice, one of the big names to perform on the ship, because he had just come out with a new song that he first sang at the ‘alternative halftime’ by Turning Point. I thought the song lyrics were wrong, and divisive, and it supported the old stereotypes. One line was about wanting ‘girls being girls and boys being boys’ (the conservatives seem to have a big issue about trans people these days. 🤷‍♀️), and the song also had lyrics about being worried that his favorite things (fishing, hunting, etc.) were gonna be taken away. (By whom I’m not sure…). I debated boycotting his concert on the cruise, but I do like a lot of his other songs, especially “I drive his Truck.” So, I went to his show on board – and, yes, he sang the song I wished he had not. I’d say half the audience stood up, cheered loudly at the end, and chanted “USA,USA”. The other half sat, did nothing. No standing. No clapping. Like me.

Yes, just like everywhere else, there is division in the country music community.

But it is still a community!!

Thankfully the rest of the time on the ship, all week long, all the guests were in a really festive party mood 🎉 and had spirit (helped by the spirits they drank – ha), and together we all enjoyed the whole experience. Sue and I met lovely people from different places around the country. Everyone was friendly! I’d say the cruise leaned to an older group of people because it was a pricey trip. The cost covered all the artists, the people on board who did all the sound and lights, etc., the Top Shelf promotion company staff who put the concerts and events on, the really wonderful Celebrity Cruise staff, the amazing food, and other fun activities. Live music 🎶 happened on the ship almost all the time – either in the smaller bars or out on the large open-air pool deck that held a big stage. Keith Urban played at an amphitheater just off the dock where the ship was tied up in Nassau. Just steps away. The concert was only for our cruise guests. There were at most only 3000 people. If you have ever seen Keith Urban you know that his shows are ALWAYS amazing! 👏 👏 He is so talented and entertaining!! This one was as well.

So – The Top Shelf Country Cruise on the “Reflection” was a really fun and unique experience, just as my CMA Festival trips to Nashville in the past have been. Both let me experience lots of country music with fellow music fans who ‘get it’ and get each other. 🤠 🎶 Music brings people together. Music makes people happy!

If interested, I have posted some pictures and a few videos on my Facebook page. I sound like I should be on the cruise promotion team – ha!! All I can say is good things about the experience on board. We even had smooth seas and beautiful weather! ☀️

So – it was wonderful to share a room, and all of it with bestie Sue and to make more ‘memories together for us!’ I’m sure she got tired of me saying who sang what song all the time as the speakers around the ship constantly played country music. But she handled it well and I appreciated her ‘hanging in there’ with me. And maybe she accepted country music a bit more. But if not, our friendship is none the less… and in fact, it’s even one more awesome experience and memory for us to have together. 😁 ❤️

Hubby said to me this morning that it has been awhile since I have written a “Marla’s Musings” and I replied that I feel like a broken record, just saying the same thing over and over.

Then, as it just so happened, he forwarded me a Q & A editorial piece he saw online about how to get along with people, how to make and keep friends, especially when there are differing political views. This is something I have struggled with during these Trump years, so I will explain…

It used to be, back before Trump, that people could disagree on political issues and how best our government should serve Americans. But, we always felt united in knowing we wanted the same outcome: Peace. Financial comfort. Freedoms. Back then I thought we wanted other things, like: Equality. Fairness. Respect. Unity. Honesty.

I remember having discussions with others I knew and who I considered friends before Trump, and the talks were mindful, and kind, and even if we saw government’s purposes differently, they were still acceptable. I remember living day to day without having politics be foremost in our minds because we did not have a president who might react in a crazy, rash and worrisome way. We didn’t have a president who used fear to make himself look great.

This was ‘pre-Trump.’ Then my eyes were opened with the ‘first Trump’ election win. As I have said over and over (yes, I’m a broken record) that that November day changed the way I looked at my family, my neighbors, friends, and even random people on the street. With Trump’s win I questioned the very core beliefs in people. Do they really want equality? Fairness? Respect? It did not seem so to me. Instead I saw that instead they valued: Self. Power. Inequality. Getting ahead of others. They accepted: abusive language. Outrage. Instability. Living on the edge.

And so now, over the years, a decade, we have lived with it as a way of governing. ‘Second Trump’ has turned it all up even more. We, the people in America, are at a point now where there is a Great Divide, not always about issues – but about human decency and compassion, about things that go way beyond whether or not something is a conservative or a liberal approach.

So, back to friendship: Having a true friend is often hard. Finding a new one is nearly impossible. We live in an era of ‘acquaintances’ vs. deep anything, knowing you to the core relationships. Talking about the weather but not about much else is the safe way. Because, when we do try and open up, and hear what is in a person’s heart, it is often not pretty. Talking politics is now talking about core values and our beliefs about how we view humanity. It has been openly exposed during these Trump years. We have actually seen and heard acceptable meanness. Selfishness is above other qualities.

Some people I know are afraid to open themselves up. They hide. Act like they don’t care. They stay quiet. And, yes, that annoys me. How can you stay quiet about sexual predators? How can you stay quiet about gestapo style armed & masked men grabbing people off the street? And – yes, how can you say you are Christian and accept these actions?

Listen, social media has many pitfalls, but I will say it has shown me who true friends are. I have a group of mostly lady friends there, on Facebook and Instagram, who show me that we do think alike and that I am not alone – that we FEEL alike about not just each other, but about humanity, about basic core beliefs. We encourage each other. We relate to each other. I have people online I have never met in person but I feel closer to them than some I know face to face. Social media supports the like-minded groups and special political groups and that is where the connection is now.

The church used to be that for me. I felt we shared a common ‘pre-Trump’ belief. Of course!! Because to be a Christian is to love all of humanity, right?? I have unfortunately lost the feeling connected with the people there and that makes me sad.

Friendships, relationships, connections, have all changed during these Trump years. How can one man do this? He opened up a hidden chasm. He found a way to put people against people. I see it everywhere. I feel it in me.

It is hard to find a true friend.

I have always been a lover of words.

I was doing some quilting work earlier today and I asked “Alexa” to play some of my favorite music while I was at it. Each song on my favorites list is a song with lyrics, the words, that I love. I can’t help but sing along.

I remember when I was young, in college, when I would put a vinyl record on and lay on my dorm bed with the album cover in my hands, reading the lyrics, and I would get lost in the words, the stories told. My favorite singers were always storytellers. John Denver, Linda Ronstadt, Jackson Browne, Dan Fogelburg, the Eagles, Neil Young, CSN, Pure Praire League, and more. They were musicians who wrote lyrics that had meaning. Lyrics I could hear. I was amazed at their abilities with words.

Back then I was not around people who played country music. I lived up north, and it was a time when radio stations were very segmented. Rock, pop, talk, easy listening, etc. But, I remember one time when I was driving in my car alone on a long trip. I was going to college in Ohio heading back home to Maryland. I flipped around various stations along the way because they would go in and out as I traveled. At one point I stopped on a country music station and listened. I liked it! It helped the driving time pass easily while I was listening to the stories told in the songs.

Some of my first country artists that I got into were Vince Gill, Reba, and Crystal Gayle. About that time CD’s came around and I bought their music, and then the first “Greatest Hits” of Tim McGraw. I was hooked. “Three chords and a lyric” is what makes it great!!

Nashville is the home of country music writers. It’s a place unique to a specialty of writing for country music singers, for the performers. Some overlap but some make a living as a song writer.

The lyrics are sometimes catchy, often deep, and occasionally funny. They are the ‘purpose of the song’ which I feel like in other music genres can sometimes be an afterthought. Just not as important as the music.

I also love words via books! Of course! I have been reading, and have been in Book Clubs, throughout my adulthood and I have come to really appreciate authors who have the gift of telling a story, of documenting history, of giving a perspective, with their special ability of the written word. They can keep the reader involved or entertained – and what a gift they have!

I have learned to love some poetry for the same reason. I was deeply moved by Amanda Gorman’s poem at Pres. Obama’s Inauguration. On Facebook now I follow her and other poets (and writers) and I appreciate how they say what we need to hear.

As we are going through such a horrible time now in our country words and lyrics are finding a real place of importance again, from protest signs to speeches, to song lyrics and poems. Some people have the ability to express themselves eloquently, and beautifully, and during times of strife the use of words is a way to protest peacefully.

Words can be artistic. Words can be emotional. Words can connect.

Words bring people together. When I attend country music concerts I feel like family with the others there. We came for the music but we came for the words too. We leave when it’s over with a mutual understanding.

Words can do that.

I know I am a broken record. I know there are people out there, on the internet and in real life, who wish I would just not post so much about Trump and what he is doing to our democracy and to our country. I know. I know. Really I know.

And, I really wish I didn’t have to spend so much time and energy on putting out there, on my social media and here on my musings, the evidence of what is going on. But, it needs to be seen and heard. I cannot in my heart ignore all of the scary events going on and all of the crazy rantings of our president.

Ignorance might be bliss for now for those choosing not to know, but even they will be affected. For some it seems that is the only time they take notice: when their personal lives are negatively touched by it.

I have been writing about Donald Trump for 10 or more years now. I have expressed my feelings and fears – over and over. Unfortunately Trump has not surprised me with redeeming himself ever, and in fact he has done things to us that I could not have even imagined that an American president would do. Why? Because I could not imagine a leader so hell bent on retaliation, with complete narcissism, with the single minded notion to make himself as much money as possible, at the same time not having even a teeny tiny bit of humanity.

With him – it is truly Deja vu all over again. Every day Donald Trump abuses his power, and every day he says outrageous things, and every day he hurts people – literally killing them. Some quickly with the bombing in Venezuela and on the seas, some slowly by taking away federal money to fund needy children, and cancer research, mental health care, rolling back environmental guardrails, and so much more. I truly cannot list everything he has done because there is so very much, and every day we continue to see more.

Right now the focus is on the ICE bullies that he has disseminated into the streets of our country, especially in Minneapolis. These men are not well trained, not vetted, and they are ‘personal soldiers’ sent to do his dirty work. I believe that many of them are those who have wanted to be a part of a militia, who love being the tough guy, and who have a grudge and this gives them an outlet to push people around. Trump seems to invite their violence. He loves the power he possesses.

At the same time he is stopping the legally required opening of the Epstein files to save himself and his big white powerful friends, all who would have their names and businesses ruined if the files were released.

I could go on and on – because yes, it is Deja vous all over again. He will not stop. Trump is a psychopath who has no compassion. He has no fear. He is like a bull running through our democracy and nobody is stopping him.

I try, and I struggle all the time, to not put the blame on others. But it is hard to- and that is why I write safely here. I prefer to stay away from those who I know who allowed him to become our president. I see so much pain that could have been avoided. I constantly ask why so many people were fooled. Why did I see who Trump really was from the beginning and they did not? And, truly, how can anyone still defend the man? I will never understand. We know his cabinet are people hand chosen because they will not go against Trump. They might have a fear all their own – hidden secrets. We have Republicans in Congress with the same fear. But, I have to ask: where is the point when holding a job but losing all respect and morality is just not worth it? Is there a line? Where is their decency? Are they all too far gone? Will they continue to stay quiet while our country turns into a chaotic place with no laws? We are well on our way.

So, here I write…. And watch, as this system of checks and balances is gone. As illegal actions at the top are not punished. As American citizens lose basic needs. As our neighbors turn against each other.

I never thought this would happen here.

Growing up I read about authoritarians in places far away. In uncivilized countries. In my history books in school. I took for granted our wonderful democracy. Our freedoms. I knew political parties disagreed on issues but not on our very system.

It’s really hard for me to stay hopeful right now, yet I try and remember that there are some good people in our government. Their hands are tied right now, but when they can make changes they will. We will ‘survive’ and although what is happening now is sad, one day it will again stop and we will turn the corner, and work hard to bring help to those in need, to offer equality to all of every color and background, to live again as stewards of our lands, and allow freedom for our allies around the world. We will no longer be a bully. No longer an instigator. No longer a threat. We will instead promote love and peace.

It is January 1, 2026. Today I have that mixed-bag feeling again as we enter a new year on the calendar. It’s a flip of a calendar page, and we are on to a new number, but really nothing changes from one day to another.

Right?

We are in an ‘era’ (thank you Taylor) where Americans continue to take sides, and therefore show their true colors, and it’s not looking like it will change any time soon. So, moving on to a new year isn’t very celebratory.

I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer, and I usually am not, but I don’t look forward to what will continue in our country with Trump at the helm. There is no reason at all to believe he will be better, or will care, or will stop lying, or will find a sense of humanity. So, instead today I feel like we just have to buckle down and prepare for what is to come from him in the coming year.

Last year he forced federal employees out of jobs, and he shut down agencies, other ones he limited. He put people in cabinet positions who were unqualified, and we have watched as they have stumbled, and followed Trump’s lead (and kissed up to him at joint meetings.). We have not seen great reductions in the cost of wares and food. Or housing, or vehicles. We have, though, had tariffs put on imports and we have disappointed the countries we do business with regularly. We have ticked off our Allies and they have outwardly laughed at us.

This past year we watched the rule of law and due process go out the window. Trump and his administration have over and over violated the US Constitution, without much pushback – none from Republicans. Therefore, we now have masked, armed ICE agents in the streets of our cities and towns picking up those who may be illegal. How do they know? By profiling people – by skin color, hair, names, etc. We have also watched videos of our military blowing boats out of international waters, not even close to our shores. We were told they had drugs on them, but we have never been given any proof.

This past year we watch the continued delay of the outing of the creeps in the Epstein Files. We have listened to heartfelt, true, stories from the women who were repeated victims as young girls. Painful. Unbelievable. And, yet they have received no justice. The men in the files are still hidden, for the purpose of keeping their reputations in tact, and for holding on to power and money.

This past year we have continued to watched our president cozy up to Putin, and even honor him with a grand welcome. Instead of doing what the US can to help Ukraine hold on to its land, we have taken away help. We have also watched Trump announce a peace pact in Israel, with it ending days later. I’m still looking for the 8 wars he claimed he stopped.

The iconic White House lost a whole wing and it sits as a pile of bricks now. The People’s House was partially destroyed without proper consent, without the right permits, without Congressional approval.

Speaking of Congressional approval, for a year now the US Senate and House of Representatives (elected by and salaries paid by the American people) have done barely anything. Therefore Republicans have stalemated. Delayed. They have not worked to come to bi-partisan agreements – especially on medical needs that will hit hard starting this month.

Gold. Gold. Gold. And the Trump name has been put on walls where it does not belong. The Kennedy Center. The Gulf of Mexico. Oh, and Greenland, remember that?

These are just some of the strange, some illegal, actions of our president. So, I welcome this new year but wait for more shoes to drop. I used to think Trump could only go so low, but the bar keeps dropping and dropping. A narcissist is unable to care about other people and only wants glory for himself.

So, I prepare for more of it.

You better too.

2026 is going to be a tough one.

Today’s my birthday – again. I’m lucky to say I have lived another year.

I like to share a ‘Marla’s Musings’ post on my birthday, so I can remind myself – and remember well – the past year I just experienced. The good, the bad, the ugly. Looking back though, this past year was truly almost ALL good.

I’m now in the last year of my 60’s. Good lord, I never thought about being here when I was young! But, fortunately, I have good genes (thanks Mom and Dad) and I am blessed to live a life of comfort. I don’t want to ever forget about my ‘luck in life’ in being born into a family that raised me well, and, then that I went on into adulthood without making any major stumbles.

Lately, because of my aging, I have been thinking more and more about my memories, the ones I have – and also the ones I wish I had. Sometimes I go to bed at night, lay there, and try to see in my head my earlier self and my life at a certain younger age. Like, when I was a child. What were the important events? What has stuck in my brain all the years through??? I try to remember when my memories first started to be retained. How old/young was I? I think about the various stages of my life. As a kid, the school years, then a teenager, on to young adulthood, to college and to my first jobs, to the early marriage years, and then raising our daughters. I even think about my middle age years now.

Ok. Yes! I still think of myself as ‘middle aged.’ Most days I usually still ‘feel’ middle aged, physically and mentally. I know the importance of taking care of myself. I also know ‘but for the grace of God go I.’ I’m hearing more and more often of people I know (or don’t know) who have died at my age, or younger. All our days are numbered. We just don’t know the number.

This past year has been a joy due to the experiences I have had with my hubby, and with my daughters and their families, and with some girlfriends. Even the pets. I am basically a homebody and I am quite content in my daily life patterns. I love where I live in these ‘middle aged’ years. I did a lot of moving prior to life here, and it really widened my horizons, and made me able to experience many places, people, and situations. I think it made me more open to accepting differences. I don’t regret any of the moves (even to New Jersey – ha!), and I would not change a thing. Really.

I truly do not have any regrets. I have no ‘dreams unfulfilled’ or disappointments. I know not everyone can say that.

So, this year is starting off on a good foot. Today, my birthday, I have good health. I truly know how important that is. I have lots of things that interest me and that keep my brain challenged ( lots of music activities, linedancing, reading, crosswords and other games.) My mind is set on staying current and relevant, even if it’s hard to hear the news. I use my voice and my musings to ‘let it out’ and to stop myself from going crazy. I try to worry less – and to live in the moment more. I don’t want a permanent tattoo, but right now I have a temporary tattoo on my arm that says ‘be present.’ It’s a reminder for me to be open, to be here and now.

I have strong faith. Still. Even with all the false, misguided, conspiracies and tragic changes happening in our country. I know being a “Jesus Christian” is not easy at times. I feel it is important to provide an example of it, to be kind, to stand firm though. I fall short on what God asks of me, but I try. I want younger people to not turn away from religion. I want to show how belief in God’s love for us, His forgiveness, His promise, are truly the rock, the foundation, the hope that we need – especially as we age. He is the way to peace.

Today is a happy birthday for me. ❤️